MY HOW: The Quiet Power of Talking It Out

Originally published: October 2026 | By: Deborah Beylus

Each October, Florida’s highest court asks the state to pause and recognize mediation. This year, Chief Justice John D. Couriel has issued a proclamation for Mediation Week, October 11 through 17. In it, he affirms that Florida continues to be a leader in recognizing and promoting mediation as an integral part of litigation. For those of us who sit across the table from divorcing couples on a daily basis, that statement describes what we already see. Mediation is no longer the alternative. Instead, for many Floridians, it is the process that allows them to move on with a full resolution.

The State’s Commitment to Mediation

The Florida Court’s commitment to Mediation began with the creation of the first Citizen Dispute Settlement (CDS) Center in Dade County in 1975, marking the earliest roots of court-connected alternative dispute resolution. The Florida Dispute Resolution Center (DRC) was established to support courts in developing alternative dispute resolution programs in 1986, and the Florida Supreme Court adopted its first mediation rules and certification requirements shortly thereafter. Comprehensive revisions to Chapter 44 of the Florida Statutes (“Mediation Alternatives to Judicial Action”) take effect on January 1, 1988, giving civil trial judges the statutory authority to officially order cases to mediation. From 1989-1990, Court-ordered mediation expands broadly to include contested family law, pre-judgment, and post-judgment issues across judicial circuits. Today the Court oversees mediators who serve families, sets the rules that govern their conduct, and issues the proclamations that keep the work visible.

MEDIATION SETTLES CASES

While some people may assume that once lawyers are involved, mediation has nothing left to do, in practice, represented parties often need it most. Attorneys are trained to protect their clients’ legal interests, and that training can make negotiation feel like a series of motions and counteroffers. Many of the issues that stall a divorce include a parent’s fear of losing time with their children, a spouse’s need for acknowledgment before discussing money, or a practical dispute about who packs up the house. A mediation session gives the spouses a place to address those issues directly, with counsel present to protect their rights. The mediator clarifies roles at the onset to ensure that the parties make their own decisions. In addition, the mediator may call for private caucuses to candidly explore options.

Money is often where a divorce becomes most heated, but it is rarely only about money. A couple may argue over the house because it holds their children’s memories, or over a retirement account because it represents years of sacrifice that one spouse feels went unrecognized. A skilled mediator listens for the interests underneath the numbers before trying to resolve them.

South Florida Mediation Services: My Practice

I have learned that the hardest financial conversations are rarely about the spreadsheet. They are about security, fairness, and how people will live in whatever home and budget the outcome creates. When I help a family sort through finances, I am also helping them decide how stable they will be next year, and the year after that.

My children are my why. When I help couples divide their life together, I think about my own family and how I hope we would behave in the same situation. The goal should always be honesty, fairness, and a willingness to put children’s stability ahead of adult grievances.

Honoring the People Who Shaped My Work

No mediator builds a practice alone. During this year’s mediation Week, I would like to take the opportunity to thank the judges, attorneys, fellow mediators and my mentors, who make this work possible. My hope is that Florida’s families continue to know that there is another way through divorce. It is a way that protects children, honors the parents’ dignity, and leaves room for a future that works for everyone.

Two people have shaped mine in ways I still carry. Elinor Robin and Susan Dubow were there at the beginning. When I first earned my certification through their training program, the “Dynamic Duo”, as they have been referred to, taught what the work asks of a mediator: patience, neutrality, and the ability to read every person in the room. We lost Susan Dubow way too early- may she rest in peace.

And Elinor- well once we met, I was never willing to let her go. Elinor has been my mentor, my friend, my confident ever since. She is family. Her trainings and her business model at A Friendly Divorce, has taught me that a divorce does not have to become a war, and that spouses can separate their roles as Parents and Partners from their roles as negotiators in mediation. We have written together on the mediation field; we have partnered in business ventures. This partnership has been one of the great gifts of my career. Elinor has celebrated my achievements and she has been there in my darkest of days. Over the years, Elinor has been the person I call when a case puts me in a hard spot. She has helped me think through questions of neutrality, and what I owe to the courts and to each client when those obligations pull in different directions. Her answers have never been the easy ones, but they have always made me a more careful and more honest mediator.

Both Susan and Elinor understood, as I do, that mediation is not about winning. It is about building an agreement that a family can live by long after the case closes.

Deborah Beylus at South Florida Mediation Services can be reached at 561-789-0710. If you or someone you know is facing divorce and/or is ordered to mediation by a Family

Deborah Beylus

Deborah Beylus is a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™ with over 30 years of financial industry experience. Based in Boca Raton, she leads South Florida Mediation Services, helping couples navigate divorce with clarity, fairness, and sound financial insight. A divorced mother of three herself, Deborah brings both professional expertise and personal understanding to the mediation process. Her firm has been named a Florida Trend Top Mediation Firm for three consecutive years, and she is a frequent speaker on mediation and divorce finances.